For adoptees and those with unknown parentage, AncestryDNA is often the best tool available for finding biological relatives. Unlike paper records, which can be sealed or falsified, DNA does not lie.
However, taking the test is just the first step. The results rarely say “This is your father.” Instead, you must act as a detective, using your list of distant cousins to triangulate the identity of closer relatives. This guide outlines the step-by-step process of using your DNA matches to build a path back to your biological family.
Step 1: Take the AncestryDNA Test and Link It to a Family Tree
Once your results arrive, you cannot simply look at the list; you must organize it. The most critical first step is to link your AncestryDNA test to a tree.
Even if your tree is empty because you don’t know your parents, create a “Research Tree” with yourself as the home person. Linking your results to this tree enables Ancestry’s powerful algorithms, like ThruLines™, to start working for you.
Step 2: Review Your Closest AncestryDNA Matches First
When you open your match list, filter by “Relationship” to see the closest matches at the top.
- Parent/Child: You share 3,000+ cM (centimorgans).
- Full Sibling: You share ~2,500 cM.
- Close Family: This category usually includes aunts, uncles, grandparents, or half-siblings.
- 1st-2nd Cousins: These are the “Goldilocks” matches—distant enough to be common, but close enough to share a recent set of grandparents.
If you are lucky enough to have a match in the “Close Family” range, the mystery may be solved quickly. If your closest matches are 2nd or 3rd cousins, you will need to use the “Shared Matches” strategy.
Step 3: Use the Shared Matches Method to Find Biological Family
This is the most effective technique for finding unknown parents. The goal is to sort your matches into four groups, representing your four biological grandparents.
- Select a Match: Click on your highest match (e.g., a 2nd cousin).
- View Shared Matches: Click the “Shared Matches” tab on their profile. This shows you a list of people who match both you and them.
- Group Them: Use Ancestry’s colored dot system to label this group. For example, mark them all with a Red Dot.
- Repeat: Go back to your main list, find a high match who doesn’t have a Red Dot, and repeat the process with a Blue Dot.
Eventually, you will see clusters of people. One cluster is your paternal grandfather’s line, one is your maternal grandmother’s line, etc. You can then look at the family trees of the people in the “Red Dot” group to see which surname appears in all of them. That is likely one of your biological surnames.
Step 4: Find Common Ancestors Using ThruLines
If your matches have public family trees, Ancestry’s ThruLines feature will attempt to stitch them together.
ThruLines looks for common ancestors between you and your matches. If five different DNA cousins all descend from a man named “John Smith born 1920,” there is a high probability that John Smith is your ancestor (likely a great-grandparent). You can then research John Smith’s children to find who could be your parent.
Step 5: How to Contact DNA Matches the Right Way
Once you have identified a potential close relative, reaching out can be nerve-wracking. To get the best response:
- Be Brief: Don’t send a life story in the first message.
- Be Specific: Say, “Hi, we match as 2nd cousins. I am researching my biological family and noticed we both share the Miller line from Ohio. Would you be open to sharing information?”
- Be Patient: Many users do not check Ancestry daily.
If you don’t get a reply, check their profile to see when they last logged in. If they are inactive, you may need to rely on the public information in their tree rather than direct contact.
Step 6: Build a Mirror Tree to Confirm Biological Relationships
If you have a strong theory about who your parent is, you can test it by building a “Mirror Tree.”
- Create a new tree in your account.
- Add people to the tree based on the family of your suspected parent.
- Attach your DNA to this new tree temporarily.
- Wait 24 hours. If ThruLines suddenly generates a huge number of accurate connections, your theory is likely correct.
Step 7 :When to Hire a Genetic Genealogist or Search Angel
If your closest matches are very distant (4th cousins or further) or if you encounter a “Endogamy” issue (where families intermarried frequently, confusing the DNA data), you might hit a brick wall.
In these cases, you may need a Search Angel (volunteers who help adoptees) or a professional genetic genealogist. They have access to advanced tools and historical records that can bridge the gap between a distant cousin and a birth parent.
Frequently Asked Questions
Yes. You do not need your parents to test. You only need their relatives (cousins, aunts, etc.) to test. By identifying their family tree, you can identify them.
This is common. DNA databases are growing, but not everyone has tested. Upload your raw DNA data to other sites (like MyHeritage or GEDmatch) to fish in other ponds. Then, verify your Ancestry DNA match categories regularly, as new matches can appear any day.
Rarely. While your DNA percentage ethnicity might give you a clue (e.g., if you are 50% Irish, one parent was likely fully Irish), it is too broad to identify specific people. You should focus on the Match List, not the ethnicity map.
Conclusion
Finding biological family is a journey that requires patience, organization, and a bit of bravery. By systematically grouping your matches and using tools like ThruLines, you can move from a list of strangers to a clear picture of your biological heritage. Remember to take screenshots of important trees and matches, as users can turn their profiles private at any time.
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